More Mindfulness Musings

More wordy rappinghood in this post about mindfulness with food, intuitive eating and the hypnosis I'm using to assist with both these things. Get comfy and read on.

EasyLoss Bikini Body App

In May I've mostly used the Bikini Body App for hypnosis (for iPhone and Android). I know, I dislike the name too - but I spin it around in my head; everyone has a bikini body, so it's just an app for everyone. I like the way this app is structured. I've done 2 weeks on eating habits, 2 weeks on reprogramming, 2 weeks on emotional eating and 2 sugar addiction sessions (still the best thing I've ever done) and this app is definitely my favourite. My food choices have changed without me realising (people have pointed it out to me), I drink water more than anything else (the sugar-free squash addiction is officially over) and I've lost almost all my artificial sugar urges. I'm quite lucky in that most store-bought sweet things I can't eat (as they have dairy in them) but I was a big fan of certain biscuits. BIG FAN. After 3 weeks of this packet sitting untouched in my cupboard they finally went it the bin. I'm yet to miss them.

Bye bye Bourbons!

I've worked hard on doing something that comes very unnaturally to me - leaving food on my plate. I can do it more now than I used to, but it can be a struggle sometimes. What I have been able to do with less hassle is reduce my portion size to something more realistic for what my stomach needs.

Here are my dinner plates: 

Empty Plate

As you can see, they've got a very wide rim and a small plated section, which means it's hard to overfill anyway, but I'm mindful when plating up food now so I don't pile it high and I have lots of breaks when eating so I can feel when I'm no longer hungry. A plate of food like this:

Sweet potato and chilli

will not get finished some evenings. Who knew that plate size was enough?! I've noticed a lot of my tablewear is the same size, this is my cereal bowl:

Breakfast Bowl

Clearly if I use them as they were intended then I will never overfeed myself again! I went out for lunch recently to one of my favourite diners and left loads of my food. I didn't care, didn't try to force it down or think twice about it. I was full and that was the end of it. That was a really satisfying thing to realise when I got home later that day.

Tough days do come along, though. Some days I go to bed feeling like I've had too much food that day. It's hard to knock all those previous behaviours out of my head. One day I was panicky all morning because I thought I'd be having a heavy food day, which I really didn't want, so I took a step back and thought about it. I don't have to plan my dinner for that evening at 7am in the morning, I don't know if I'll even be hungry at that point, so what am I stressing about? I'll just eat what I fancy when I fancy it. End of story. It sounds so ridiculous when I write things like this down but this is how my head works in relation to these matters. Bloody diets. I'm never going near the damn things ever again!

I also talked to my mum about this therapy this month. I've been a bit quiet about it overall but I feel comfortable talking about it now so I told her I was having hypnosis for my food and eating habits. Interestingly enough the first thing she said was that being all consumed with food and numbers is dreadful and she doesn't know how I did it for so long either. My mum is very good 'natural' eater (as I refer to people who aren't riddled with residual diet madness like I am) so she can see how what I'm doing makes sense and is a good thing for me to dedicate my time to.

By Mid-May my MyFitnessPal account was deleted. No going back or sneaky logging in now. I still sometimes have an urge to calorie count, I lie in bed at night and want to review all the food I've eaten for the day, so I have to distract myself out of this train of thought and into a book, otherwise I'll trigger that old mindset back to life. I don't want that mindset back ever, so I have to remind myself how my thoughts were consumed with food and their numbers that some days I couldn't think about much else. I do think of my MFP buddies though often, though. Last week I had a really hungry week and convinced myself I'd eaten too much food every day. I didn't physically feel like I'd eaten too much and I had only eaten when I'd felt hungry but something in my head was telling me to eat less. Wouldn't you know it, when I got on the scales at the end of the week I'd lost weight again. I absolutely loathe these learned behaviours that I battle with and I cannot wait until they've been wiped out and replaced by good, positive, helpful behaviours; as opposed to ones where I shit myself because I had a piece of cake for a colleagues birthday celebration. That is my biggest motivator right now - shove that shit out of my brain forever. Recover. Heal. Move the fuck on.

The other thing I've made a big effort to do is remove people / accounts from my social media sites which only talk about diets and food. Mostly Instagram. I don't want people to think I've removed them because I don't like them, that's not the case at all, but if you're a serial diet poster or use #cleaneating (and not in a comedy way, like I do when I'm eating a burger), or talk about weight loss, post non-stop thinspo/fitspo, talk about workouts, call yourself fat or other derogatory names, then I've taken you off my account. I'm not advocating everyone does this, but for me it's been valuable. I hate seeing people abuse their bodies with mean words, or lie to themselves, or starve. I can be easily swayed on a bad day so I don't look at it any more and boy, my social networks are quiet now! I'm sure I'll add people back later down the line but while I'm keeping focus I need a clear account. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone in the process, but it's not done for malicious reasons, I just need to look after myself. Prepare for my favourite quote in the world ever:

Amy Poehler is my spirit animal

The cool thing about this month is the changes I can see myself. I've weighed myself twice this month and I made myself commit that after that last time I would only be weighing in once a month. I say this because of these images: 

Bikini Body Weight Loss App

3 months apart, a tiny bit of weight loss (5-7 lbs) but I look totally different. My clothes are now loose, ones that wouldn't fit me in March now fit comfortably, I'm getting back into all my smaller sized skirts and I can see / feel changes on my body without having to use a set of scales (or as my friend Rachel called it The Sad Step). I LOVE THIS! I always know when I've gained weight because I feel it first. I don't need scales to tell me that after Christmas I'll be 5lbs heavier, I can feel it on my body - my stomach feels bigger, my bras feel too tight, I just feel bigger all over. The good thing now is that I can feel myself getting smaller and I can see it, I can feel my clothes fitting better from month to month, I see them hanging differently on my frame and that coupled with feeling calm, relaxed, happy with how I look is much more satisfying than anything a set of scales could ever tell me.

Also, I restarted my gym membership. I've been a bit all over the place with exercise over the last few months. My daily commute and lunchtime walk is a great amount of cardio but that can drop rapidly at weekends. I do love a day of doing absolutely nothing save for sitting reading whilst wearing my lounge pants but two days feels a bit too much, with that in mind I thought I'd open up some exercise options. As I'm eating intuitively I want to extend this to my activity and exercise instinctively. For me, this means getting up on the weekend and deciding what activity I want to do. It can be running or weightlifting, I might not go to the gym at all and just go for a long walk or do a Zumba session. I want to do whatever my body wants on that day and not restrict it. I don't want 'I've got to run 5 more miles this week / attend another spinning class / can't miss leg day!' in the same way that I don't want 'I need to clean eat today /have a cheat meal / not use all my calories so I can go out this weekend', I just want to listen to my body and do whatever it wants to do that day.

So my goals for the next month are as follows:

  • Stop the guesstimating calorie counting in my head. Here is where craziness lies. 
  • Allow myself onto the scales once every few weeks, try not to let the numbers impact on me
  • Keep the EL guidelines in the forefront of my mind - currently the wallpaper on my phone
  • Make sure I keep my relaxing time in my daily routine
  • Exercise instinctively

I never thought I'd be writing such lovely goals that have absolutely nothing to do with numbers but I'm so happy that I am. 
Next PostNewer Post Previous PostOlder Post Home

1 comment:

  1. Well done and for being so generous in sharing your thoughts. I used to work with Sue and James and do enjoy seeing all the success stories. They work incredibly hard and I think the support they give is amazing. Just one suggestion I'd make and that is throw away those scales. X.